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Okay. I wish I didn’t even have to talk about this episode, but if one has committed to writing about a show, I suppose one must stay that way.

Honestly, it was probably my least favorite episode in the history of this show. Hyperbole? Maybe, but I truly cannot think of one that bored me more.

There is the obvious big issue here. Last time Britney Spears was on the show, it looked like she was there in a role in a script that was already written (true). This time, it looks like they wrote the episode for her (somewhat true). The problem with that was that it gave her more screentime, and that it happened during a phase in which Barney’s scenes have to be “separate” from the A-story, and therefore for the most part the only Neil Patrick Harris scenes we got were with Britney. And as it turns out, she definitely cannot act. And not in a, “but come on, that’s not fair, she was playing dumb because that was the character” kind of way. She’s just bad. Comedy takes timing and nuance, and she is capable of neither.

Even the cold open made it obvious the episode was built around Britney — the hook at the end of it was the appearance of her on the screen.

I also am going to have to go out on a limb here and question the chronology and continuity. I’d have to go back and do some digging, but I’m pretty sure Abby (Spears) being the mystery girl who stalks Barney and turns potential women against him doesn’t fit, time-wise and also investment-wise. Abby is supposed to be obsessed with Ted, no? Then why does she obsessively follow Barney and try to ruin his sex life? I have a lot of questions about the validity of this.

And the A-story made my head want to explode. Look, I understand there are a few things we have to let go of when television characters live in New York City (they inexplicably have loads of money and live in giant conveniently-located Manhattan apartments, they drive all the time and never use the subway, they never work, etc.) but from beginning to end this story was composed almost entirely of Manhattan improbabilities. I’ve loved that this show has put Marshall and Lily into legitimate financial straits and not given them an easy out. OH WAIT. Now they have. First, Lily decides that she can easily get $500 for each of three paintings in one week (because that is indeed how the art world works… never study it, never go to galleries or understand the industry at all, never even give AWAY a painting, but sell your first one for half a grand). The coffee shop with “local artists” on the wall? Local, as in from New York? Is that funny to anyone else? Then a wealthy gay couple purchased it for the valuable frame (first off, a struggling young artist frames her paintings? second, why was it not noteworthy to her to learn she had an incredibly valuable frame?). Then later somehow Ted and Marshall get into an upper-class apartment building in the middle of a city and the couple just happily opens the door to these strangers in their building? (And no, Ted couldn’t pull off the red cowboy boots, nor was it funny.)

And as if we were watching a Brady-Bunch style sitcom in which all the problems are always easily solved (okay, except for the Barney/Ted issue), Lily starts selling her paintings to vets for their dog-calming attributes. Everything’s fixed!

There were a handful of amusing lines in there, and in particular Lily yelling at a 5-year-old for painting a rainbow was fun. It was also nice to see Barney and Ted sharing a screen again, but it didn’t exactly plant the seed for forgiveness.

I apologize for my grumpiness about this episode. It hasn’t been very long since I switched from the catching-up-on-past seasons marathon-style viewing to the have-something-to-look-forward-to-on-Monday-nights viewing, and it sets expectations high.

Does this mean we’ll have to be subjected to more of Miss Spears in next week’s season finale? I’m all for the woman getting her career back on track, but she is not proving that acting is the way to do it. I hope for the highest ratings ever for the show, but it is torture to watch.

I do love that www.lilyandmarshallselltheirstuff.com is a real site which auctions off costumes and props from the show to benefit the children’s hospital. I tried to find that garbage bag site, but no luck yet…

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