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I apologize that we’re already ten minutes in, but let’s get caught up on “DeAnna tells all.”

Mostly what she “tells” us is that this is all real (making it all the more embarrassing).  She also speaks in the present tense as if she did this interview right before the events of tonight’s episode, which makes no sense. 

I still don’t know how I feel about this show.  I don’t understand everything about the format as I’ve never watched a whole season until now, but I feel like they keep changing to solo-date rules. 

Aww, now she explains why she ditched Richard.  I do enjoy DeAnna, but I feel like all the waterworks are not entirely genuine.  Speaking of which, they bring up her “barbecue breakdown.”  I love getting to see this part again when DeAnna went in to confront Robert and he pouts that he thinks he’s already out of the running.  And then she fakes a breakdown about it because she’s not getting enough attention!  Maybe she should actually be a little flattered that they don’t like sharing her, and seriously.  How is that “breaking her heart?”

Ah, the Fred and Robert date.  The beautiful cheek-turn when Robert went to kiss her (absurdly misreading her body language) and she gave him the cheek, and then an echo of the cheek turn when he’s in the limo and strategically turns his cheek so that we see the single tear…

Poor Fred.  He was a sweetie.  Do you think I’m just taken in by the cuddly accent?

Oh goodie, we get to find out what happened to Trista and… whoever.  These two keep getting paraded out on this show to prove that the formula “works.”  Once.

(Maybe I should do time check-ins to make this more readable!)

 8:20PM

And we’re back.  With “the first Bachelor family.”  Apparently though they met on the show, their relationship has “grown and blossomed” since then.  Really?  They didn’t know each other through and through during their time going on group dates in front of television crews?  Weird.  Now they’re gushing about their kid.  Not to sound insensitive, but new parents always say the same things in these television montages about babies.  I’m waiting for the day when someone says, “As far as the kid, eh.  He’s all right.  I’m still more focused on my fame.”

Trista sure hopes DeAnna doesn’t hold back.  Oh Trista, that is unlikely. 

Then they tell us that after the commercial break, a bunch of generic stuff happens.

 8:27

A Jesse montage.  I hope these guys know that most of their dates won’t be like this.  Sure, they’ll relish the lack of cameramen, but I doubt their typical future dates will have such a budget.

Apparently Twilly can laugh at himself.  I don’t think he’s so bad, but I’m also not sure he actually has the least bit of interest in DeAnna.  We’re learning now that he is an entrepeneur and… an illustrator?  But he’s a Debt Manager.  So I guess he better have a big personality.  Frankly he’s kind of cute.

Jason went backpacking through Europe after college!  What a MADMAN!!!  No one EVER does that!  He’s sweet, though.  He does seem into her.  He was pleased with her reaction to his having a son, though honestly, she’s on national television.  What else is she going to do?  It was nice that he was there to comfort her after she rejected some other guys, all us gals are looking for a man who’s comfortable in that role.

Apparently on tonight’s episode, something will go “terribly wrong,” as the fellas stand around staging a scene in which they are shocked and worried at her absence.

8:39

We’re taking a closer look at three more of the men… starting with Sean.  Oh, he’s competitive!  You don’t say.  Eww, his speech about liking the finer things and having things he doesn’t need is unpleasant.  “The darker you are, the thinner you look.”  He really said that.  Are they going to show the clip where he calls DeAnna a redneck?  Ah, the haircut.  It was a good move.

Graham!  The resident hottie.  Apparently they share a bond.  Because they’re both hot.  He’s never been in a relationship and is the most turned off by the whole sharing-DeAnna thing because he’s “scared.”  No.  He’s a professional athlete and is drop-dead gorgeous.  He is used to owning whatever woman he wants.  He speaks about how the fact that they argue is a major plus.  Well, they’re not getting what they want from each other so they’re having mini-tantrums, if that’s a major plus.

Jeremy, who I’ve never enjoyed, has a boxer.  He might now be my favorite; I have a slight dog bias as my boxer is passed out on the couch as I type.  I love when they talk about how they’ve “never opened up like that to anyone.”  But it’s the audience of millions that really pushes someone over the edge into trustworthiness.

8:51

There’s Jason, “who’s this, amazingly…. great guy.”  DeAnna Shakespeare.  It’s not easy to say goodbye to them, there’s feeling involved, etc., etc.  She has the “sympathy of the country.”  Wow, so this is where the country’s citizens are directing their compassion.  I was wondering!

I will not be live-blogging the regular episode, but don’t cry too hard.  Thanks for plowing through this!

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